Any frequent traveler will get a laff from Long or Short writer Johnny Debacle’s musings on Thoughts As People Attempt to Put Their Carry-On Luggage In Overhead Bins on Commuter Flights. For example:

Wait…why does he have wheels on that thing? There can’t be anything more than a laptop in that and maybe some paper. If there was a way to sterilize him I would, for the sake of mankind. A bag has to be the size of half a golden retriever in order to have wheels. Man that would be horrible, how would you cut it in half, lengthwise or widthwise? Maybe it’s not the best measurement. I’ll use a bear head instead. Grizzly bear head. This is the new FAA bag size regulation measurement unit for the retention of manliness and balls. If a bag isn’t as big as a grizzly bear head, you cannot have wheels on it and pull it. Done.