Heard the one about the stewardess who strips in the cockpit of a flying airplane? British tabs are all aflutter (read about it here and here) over videos that have “surfaced” of a French flight attendant and her stripping antics aboard an aircraft operated by French airline AOM, which, incidentally, went bankrupt and ceased operation in 2001. So why are airline officials investigating those involved in making these videos? Ostensibly, they apparently want to discipline the crew for its behavior (one of the videos reportedly took place during a flight). Shhhurrr. I’m betting they just want an encore performance from this hostess with the mostess.

Stripping Stewardess Strikes Again

Thank heavens I finally figured out to do with the extra $48k I keep stuffed in my freezer behind that two-year-old box of Hot Pockets that never seems to get eaten. The Ritz-Carlton Club San Francisco has come up with quite a swish “deal” for Valentine’s Day this year. For just about the same amount as the median annual household income in the United States, travelers can experience seven action-packed days in the City by the Bay. Perks include:

- Helicopter tour to Napa Valley

- Private wine tasting

- Town car transportation throughout your visit

- A personal chef to prepare dinner each evening

- Dinner for two at Gary Danko

- A $1,500 shopping spree

Travelers may purchase the package through Feb. 14 for visits before April 30, 2008. A word to the wise: if you’re planning to visit San Francisco, wait until March. The rainy season here is miserable. Miz-rah-bull, I tell you.

Shop Till You Drop With Ritz-Carlton

Yes, that’s Ali Larter, and she’s beautiful. But perhaps more beautiful is the abundance of chocolate adorning the Godiva Decadence Suite, unveiled inside the Bryant Park Hotel in Manhattan today. The hotel suite is made completely of chocolate - right down to the walls - and features opulent touches like a chocolate version of Gustav Klimt’s The Kiss, a chocolate and crystal chandelier and a chocolate fireplace (which, we assume, is just for decoration).

The over-the-top suite is part of the Ultimate Chocolate Fantasy contest from Godiva, which will award one lucky couple a weekend in the suite (with a non-chocolate bed, we hope) and perks like a private chocolate tasting with a Godiva chocolatier, chocolate spa treatments and a year’s supply of Godiva chocolate.

photo source

Flying free just got easier. And by free, I mean literally free. Of clothes. German travel agency OssiUrlaub.de has announced plans to launch a trip for nudists that would allow passengers to strip down between takeoff and landing. The crew will apparently remain clothed during the flight. Upon arrival, participants will then be taken to Usedom, a popular resort on the Baltic Sea. There, they will, presumably, have the chance to remove their clothing once again.

A few thoughts on this development:

- Imagine being told your next shift was crewing this flight.

- Will passengers be given seat protectors during the flight or sit directly on the seat fabric?

- If the latter happens, isn’t airplane seat fabric itchy?

- Cold buckle. Seatbelt. No thanks.

- I feel for the people sitting in the rows directly preceding the lavatories, where lines tend to form mid-flight.

- Will clothing fit in the seat back pocket or will it need to be stowed properly in the overhead bin?

- If a peanut misses its target and falls downward, will its owner still feel inclined to fish it out and eat it?

- Pity the poor chap in the middle seat.

- Is it okay to still where your socks?

- Those crazy Europeans.

German Travel Agency to Offer Nudist Flight

Well, things got hot in Sin City this morning, but not in the way you might think. The Monte Carlo Resort and Casino Hotel caught fire and sent panic through the Strip. Thankfully, the fire has now been stopped and all hotel guests safely evacuated.

Although no one we know can provide us with an eyewitness account, we hear tell that a new airline was spotted in the skies this week: Air Yeti.

Aiming to be the low-cost carrier of choice for travelers in Nepal, the Indian subcontinent, the Middle East and Southeast Asia, the Air Arabia-owned airline has its hub in Kathmandu, Nepal and flies to destinations that include Bangkok, Delhi, Hong Kong, Kuala Lumpur, Sharjah and Doha.

And you thought snakes on a plane could only happen in the movies:

Thousands of Snakes on a Plane Seized in Vietnam

Note to self: When next sending suitcase full of jewels across international borders via airplane, do not mark with obvious tempting phrase like High-Value. Instead, mark contents with sneaky alternative, such as Dirty Underwear.

JFK Baggage Handlers Accused of Stealing Loot

What strange events could have transpired, you may be asking yourself upon viewing the above image, to land beautiful Miss Beyonce in the middle of a common livestock show? No, the singer and Jay-Z ladyfriend is not there to vie for the title of most prodigious posterior against bovine opponents, nor is the star considering a career shift towards the herding business. Along with several international and local celebrities, Beyonce is one of the Greater Houston Convention and Visitors Bureau’s picks for a forthcoming tourism campaign, one the CVB hopes will “enhance” Houston’s image and attract more tourists and businesses to the area.

As USA Today reports in Houston Taps Beyonce, Other Celebrities for Tourism Pitch:

The ads in the “My Houston” campaign will…. begin appearing in February in the Wall Street Journal, USA TODAY, Continental Airlines’ in-flight magazine and other publications, said Lindsey Brown, marketing director for the Greater Houston Convention and Visitors Bureau.

Broadcast ads are also being developed, she said.

The bureau has stopped using its most recent slogan: “Space City: A Space of Infinite Possibilities,” Brown said. And the celebrities featured in the new ads won’t be asked to recite a snappy catchphrase.

That last point may very well have been one of the CVB’s most prudent moves. Another of the celebrities representing Houston in the ad campaign is none other than George W. Bush, someone with a slightly sketchy track record for regurgitating hyperbole many could spew forth in their sleep.

What’s next? Jay-Z hanging out at the White House?

Last comment: it was certainly nice of USA Today to give this news some play. After all, if not for the article, readers would have only known about Houston’s new image via the advertisements in the publication’s own pages. Sigh.

File this under Ironies in Travel:

Disney World Bans Children from Fanciest Park Restaurant

When I saw this headline, I thought to myself, now who exactly goes to Disney World - of all places - to get away from children? And then I thought, duh, precisely the parents who brought them there!